A Cry for Help

So, I honestly have no idea how to start of this blog post. I know my posts are not super uplifting but, this one is super serious.

A popular topic nowadays is depression. Especially with the release of Netflix's new original series, "13 Reasons Why". It follows Clay, one of the main characters, around while he is trying to figure out why Hannah, the other main character, killed herself. She recorded 13 reasons why she killed herself and Clay and many others are the reasons.

But, similar to Hannah Baker, I am struggling with a battle inside myself.

My life has not been horrible but, the stresses of life are slowly building up and I feel like one day they are going to explode and it will not end well. There are hardly any days, anymore, where I am not crying.

I honestly don't know how the heck my friends deal with emotional, depressed, wreck that I am. I give them props because I know that I couldn't handle someone like me. It sucks so bad waking up in the morning and honestly being so scared to walk outside because you are afraid to cry in front of people.

About a month ago, I sent out a text to my best friends, my boyfriend, and even his best friend. I was ready to end all this stress and I honestly felt like the anxiety was getting to me and I couldn't handle it anymore. People like my best friends, my boyfriend, my best friend's sister, and even my boyfriend's mom texted/called. I got multiple calls, texts, Facebook messages, and even Snapchats telling me not to make any rush decisions, to stop, and that everything was going to be okay in the end. Well, not going to lie, I am still waiting for things to be okay and they have gotten moderately better since then but, not so much.

The next day, my best friend at school took me to lunch and spent time with me. She took time out of her busy schedule to spend time with me. I know I scared her and it made me feel horrible. I ended up texting my boyfriend's mom that next day, while at lunch, and let her know that I was okay and I apologized for making her worry.

I really want to talk about the feeling that I have had lately but, honestly, I do not want to waste anyone's time. There are more important things that need to be done than to talk about my feelings; they can wait.

I don't know how to end this blog post........

Thank y'all for reading this.

XOXO

M.K.V

#depression #help #struggle